The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 15917 Newer› Newest»When Bunny walks aound VIACOM, does Tucker's cum drip from her ahole?
Does Sumner Redstne mop it up?
Or does he make Mr. Moonves mop up after duke douchebag lawyers?
Viacom = jacktard douchebag.
I agree we ought to ban them and everything they produce.
Awesome. I just found out one of the rudius bloggers is a mole. they're writing a mauscript on tucker's douchebaggery--the stories are hilarious. firsthand accounts of supreme douchebaggery never before witnessed on thi planet.
the bigger tucker gets, the better the book on his douchebaggery will do. too bad it seems rudius has peaked.
the relase date is one day after or before tucker's next book in 2008. they have a sweet deal with a cool publisher.
Tucker is already as big as he's going to get.
Yeah, someone got a "sweet deal" to write a book about how much of a douche a borderline nonentity is.
Why don't you try making up something believable?
The Jada Hate site is back -
http://horsefacebeth.blogspot.com
The title of the book about Tucker Max is
VIACOM'S. BEST. BLOGGER. EVER.
It explores the state of the art--all the bullshit, anal sex with girls shitting on one's dick while you're video taping it without telling the girl, midget fucking, abortions, and douchebaggery that go into serving the corporate conglomerate's bottom line.
It covers VIACOM's new internship program, where they write fake amazon reviews, carry around copies of Robert Greene's books to impress chicks, and hit girls whn they turn them down, thusly fightng their battles on their own time, in their own way, uber-men.
It talks all about how Tucker revolutionized the internet by being the first to blog about blowjobs and buttsex with his left hand. And it exposes Tucker's "Law of Attraction." By acting like a douchebag with no future, Tucker successfully attracts washed-up Hollywood douchebags. He gets 50% of their take, which gives him an extra $17.37 a week to pay interns to edit his wiki page 24/7.
You too can be a power player.
Douchebags finish first.
What is this, some kind of transference? You're in the motherfucking military. Talk about being a douchebag getting used by a gigantic organization. Dumb motherfucker, go away. For the last damn time, Tucker has no association with Viacom, because he is a nobody.
I love this site, you people r so fucking sad.
get the fuck out of here dipshit.
and let me reiterate that nobody gives a fuck about this inane viacom horseshit. cease and desist immediately.
i bet viacom cares about this blog
that is why they are sending interns & upper level management here every day
tucker max = simon spotlight = viacom
tucker max = comedy central = viacom
tucker max = mtv = viacom
viacom = tucker max
Talk about being a douchebag getting used by a gigantic organization.
For a second there I thought you were talking about radical Muslims.
you pathetic loosers really think viacom gives a shit about this sorry excuse for an anti-tucker blog?
get out of your parents basement and get some sun, it's summer time.
sumner redstone reads this blog three times a day
tucker is the new face of viacom
sumner needs to keep up
tucker max is viacom's last, best hope.
they are investing 100's of thousands into his douchebaggery.
other than tucker max, name one asset that viacom has--just one.
I hate this marine bastard.
"I hate this marine bastard."
Who said that?
Would that be Robert Greene?
Tucker Max?
Some viacom/douchebag media intern?
Would any of them beat the marine in a cage fight?
Does Robert Greene have more power than a US Marine?
Is Sumner Redstone mor powerful than a graduate of Paris Island?
Is VIACOM a greater force than the USMC?
If you're an atheist, does that mean VIACOM has more power than God, as God does not exist?
Can VIACOM make Tucker Max famous?
Does VIACOM have the power to make Tucker Max a household name, even if everyone at VIACOM reads Robert Greene's book?
Does Robert Green's book give you more power than reading the Bible?
Is tucker tougher than a US Marine?
Does it make Tucker and Robert smarter to stay home while others take the bullets for our freedom?
Robert does have that chapter about making other people do the work, and taking all the credit for yourself.
Is that the point of rudius media?
Does Robert Greene have more power sitting at home, typing on his laptop, than a Marine serving his country, in the line of fire?
Focus: Who is the freer man?
The US Marine serving his country?
The Viacom Intern serving douchebag media & Tucker max?
Marine guy is a Tucker plant! He was sent here to make a bunch of stupid posts. The reason for this is simple. Tucker will soon address the fact that this site exsists on his board. So posting as "Marine guy" gives him a target to make fun of and take focus off the rest of the posters here.
He will bust on "Marine guy" talk about his insane post prove he is not connected to Viacom in the way "Marine guy" is saying. He won't address anything else, and declare the posters on this site defeated and talk about how it was the most awesome Whaoo ever.
When it happens "Marine guy" will sign up on Tuckers board and start posting to deflect attention from the rest of the posts. Since he's a plant tucker can control how it goes, he already knows his schtick. The thread will go 10 pages and end with "Marine guy" getting banned and the thread being locked.
(I'm the same poster as above)
By page 2 of the thread one of the posters there with a military background will call out "Marine guy" on not being a Marine. The person will ask questions of rank, location, drills, and rules. Marine guy won't be able to answer and will be dicredited and officially "Called out". In tucker fashion this will make evryone who posts here a liar and a joke.
What's sad is that I can believe the poster above me completely. I'm sure its in the 48 Laws of Power somewhere, I believe its #33: If you cannot defeat your enemy in single-combat, send a spy to infiltrate him and fight a man of straw.
Whatever, its not like the regular denizens of the TMMB are known for their independent thought and analysis. If Tucker does address this site, the response of his fanboys is pre-programed. Groupthink ROCKS!!!
I slept with the trixie a few weeks ago. She's not too bad, nothing like her blog.
she loves anal w/o condoms too.
kinda worried about doing that.
the only problem is people are abandoning douchebag media
Loves anal, eh?
Does "she" have an adams apple by any chance?
nah no adams apple, she's a little over-confident of her looks, especially her shape. she's got a bigger frame, you know, like when she's older she'll be pretty filled out but whatever, i got to fuck her while she's young. she kinda tries to make up for it by being 'high class' or whatever, but i saw right through that and this sounds bad.....but in reality, i fucked her/got her to fuck just like TM would have.
funny how it worked for him w/bunny, then for me with her.
so she's insecure?? just like bunny!!!
Oh yeah one more thing....
I blew it all in her ass.
She talked all dirty and loved it.
Finally!
Here's an honest one-star amazon review for tucker. Now that he's running out of viacom cash, maybe he doesn't have enough to pay an intern to command spamazon to take it down:
James Frey all over again -- 100% embellished, exaggerated, flat-out fabricated and fake, June 6, 2007
By Holla! "Yay!" (USA) - See all my reviews
His stories are fake. At one point, he claims he was trying to parallel park someone else's car, jumped a curb and drove into a donut jump. Afterward, he says threw the keys in a bush and left on foot. That's interesting, considering when you parallel park you tap the gas and wouldn't have enough velocity to crash through a storefront window. What's also interesting is that he re-told the story on the radio and in that version, he just broke the window rather than driving into the donut shop. He also adds that there was no police report for the incident...
Right. So a) the owner of the vehicle would not go to the police after her car had been crashed by a drunk guy she met at a club and b) the donut shop certainly wouldn't file a report if someone destroyed their property. How convenient that there is no way to prove what happened is true -- even though it's the most obvious thing that would happen the next day, a police report.
That's one example of so many things that are so obviously made-up. This should be sold in the fiction section along with A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.
The worst part is that the book isn't even funny. It's the same shtick done a million times before, only written by someone who clearly has no literary training or skills.
Also, check out video of this guy being interviewed -- he has a lisp, he's not very attractive and he's kind of a weenie. That alone raises a red flag when he portrays himself as a ladies man sleeping with new, hot girls every night. Complete BS. Don't waste your time with this guy's fantasy blogs.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/0806527285/sr=8-1/qid=1181175047/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop/002-1135107-4909650?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&n=283155&s=books&qid=1181175047&sr=8-1#R2RLJTD3PIBOM9
To the guy above^^^That guy. This is a perfect example of tuckers bullshit the story say this ..begin quote
"4:46: I get out of the car. I am INSIDE of a donut shop. With the car. Shattered glass crunches under my feet as I investigate the damage. There are broken and fractured tables scattered all across the store. The car has only a few scratches. I am in shock and completely unsure about what to do. I am have never driven a car into a store before."
If you look at the Opie and Anthony interview tucker says. I tried to link it but BIG SUPRISE it has been removed from "You tube" but in it tucker say's to O& A (Paraphrasing) "If you think about it, it was really just a broken window".
So tucker was it a broken window or total carnage. Fuckin guy's a big douche. heres a reminder.
http://www.foundrymusic.com/opieanthony/displaymedia.cfm?id=11955
Watch that shit to see how big a douche tucker is, in case you forgot.
interesting theory with how tucker plans on calling out his made up Marine Guy. i'm surprised he hasn't tried Wahoo'ing this site already. Can cockly ban people? Be great if you could have the same level of censorship here...anyone speaking out for Tucker would be banned. haha
Does anyone have pix of Trixie?
interesting theory with how tucker plans on calling out his made up Marine Guy.
More intresting is that since that therory was posted "Marine guy" hasn't been back. It's been a couple days...HMMM?
Tucker isn't man enough to pose as a US Marine.
Last night I heard viacom ordered $200,000 worth of douche, and $100,000 worth of ziplock baggies.
They are thinking of replacing tucker and his douchebags.
I ran into tucker in a bar a few years back (this was in Chicago). At the time, he was posting funny stories on his site and not all into himself. Anyhow, I recognized him and asked if I could buy him a drink. "Sure", he said, "get me a vinegar and water."
this site rox
a site of TRUTH tucker the man-boobed tyrant cannot control.
the trixies pics r on her myspace page, just take the blurry one. if u hav a decent photo program you can see her horse face in full glory.
i know that bitch from chicago, what a cheap twat.
Can't see the face, but it looks like she has a tight bod. Her sister is disgusting though, and a shitty writer and completely fucked in the head.
douche, douche, douche
douche of earl
douche, douche, douche
douche of earl
douche, douche, douche
douche of earl
tucker max is a douchebag
Who's uglier: jada or trixie? jada's face is a mess, but she doesn't seem to realize it. Trixie either got hit by an ugly stick (not too hard to imagine, her sister erin looks like a man) or doesn't want her friends to know she's associated with tucker max (in fact, most of his "friends" hide behind pseudonyms).
trixie wins, she's better looking. jada is older, doesnt workout and has gotten soft.
however, trixie's younger and will definitely balloon up in time. her ass was small when i felt it but you could tell she didnt lifte weights and it'll get flabbier and flabbier as she ages.
good fuck though. i really hope i didnt get anything.
did she suck the shit off your dick after you wrecked her ass?
I bet the Trixie also shat on that guy's dick. That's OK though - I bet he videotaped it using a direct to DVD recorder so that way the tape wasn't ruined by the flying faeces.
riddle me this, bunny.
who is the richer?
the us marine who leaves his wife and kids behind to fight for his country?
jeremey ruby struss, sitting high atop the VIACOM building, counting his pennies from tucker's pr0n.
who is the more manly?
the us marine graduating from basic training?
the anonymous douchebags on the tucker max message board making fun of dimeo.
who is the happier?
the douchebag interns receving $250/month of viacom cash to edit tucker's wiki page and remove honest amazon reviews, or the us marine putting his life at risk in the line of fire?
tucker would have you believe that it's all just a matter of choice--that there is no higher morality.
but tucker owes his freedom to those far greater than he--and what does he do with it? he desecrates his country, his language, and his fellow people.
jesus christ marine guy needs to shut the fuck up. you are beyond annoying.
this site is dying.
tucker max writes,
"jesus christ marine guy needs to shut the fuck up. you are beyond annoying. this site is dying."
actually, douchebag media & viacom are dying.
can't you see the writing on the wall?
so strange to see tucker referencing jesus christ in his hour of need.
this site is just gettig going
marine guy is touching upon somethineg far greater
leave it to the us marines
i love you marine guy
tucker is writing a chapter on marine guy in his upcoming viacom book, ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST
in it he will enumerate the ways in which tucker max finishes ahead of us marines:
1) tucker put his cock in bunny's ahole once upon a time, before it got all stretched out
2) tucker serves sumner redstone's bottom line instead of the us constitution
3) tucker runs a massive media empire of hollywood f-list douchebags and highschool fanboys
4) tucker graduated from duke law where he learned the power of positive thinking
5) tucker rides around with rob "the rules of power" greene, hitting girls and running from fights
6) tucker rips off images of johnny cash and gladiator for his douchebag site, even though tucker is douchebag duke lawyer who hits girls and johnny cash rocked
Dude, you're unhinged. Get help. Seriously, you have deep emotional problems that need to be worked out. Do it for your own sake.
Tucker Max writes
"Dude, you're unhinged. Get help. Seriously, you have deep emotional problems that need to be worked out. Do it for your own sake."
A marine who loves God & country needs help.
Douchebag duke lawyers and corporate anal-sex publicists are the new normalacy, according to sumner redstone.
Well, long after douchebag media has run out of viacom cash--sometime next year--the usmc will serve truth and freedom.
Love of God and Country is now an emotional problem, according to robert greene.
What next? Tucker's Mantits define the new masculinity?
viacom sux
normal = manboobs
not normal = no manboobs
normal = bunny's ahole
not normal = penis-free aholes
normal = douchebag media
not normal = us marines
yeah--viacom has a bright future
im gonna bet that marine guy is just a tucker fucker, nobody but a tucker fanboy is that annoying
"im gonna bet that marine guy is just a tucker fucker, nobody but a tucker fanboy is that annoying"
i'm gonna bet that's tucker
awesome
more rudius douchebags check this blog than tucker's blog
it's only a matter of time until the douchetards realize:
1. rudius media is a career killer
2. tucker is running out of viaco cash
3. tucker has no future in hollywood
4. tucker has mantits
Tucker is definitely NOT running out of cash.
haters.
tucker's the hater
he hates the us constitution & marines & God & country
he's running out of cash
what--is viacom gonna write him a $300,000 check every month?
tuckermax.com is dying:
http://alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details?q=tuckermax.com/&url=tuckermax.com/
the more cash he burns, the more it sucks
no matter how much you pay douchebags, they do not make a good investment
i'm not sure they teach this at duke law
yes, even though he is backed by viacom's
comedy central
MTV
simon spotlight
his traffic is dying:
http://alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details?q=tuckermax.com/&url=tuckermax.com/
it is going down faster than bunny in front of a douchebag.
sumner redstone will have tucker fuck some more midgets to boost the traffic
viacom could have given $300,000 to
1) charity
2) medical research
3) a search for a cure for AIDs
4) the homeless
5) a school system in need of new computers
instead they gave it to a duke law douchebag who screws midgets and blogs about it, hits girls, tells lies in his stories, and spreads douchebaggery across the land.
viacom = douchebag media
"viacom could have given $300,000 to
...
3) a search for a cure for AIDs"
Hmmmm....now we see why Mr. "US Marine" is so frantic. He needs a cure and he needs it now.
I stopped by Trixie's place last night for a booty call (emphasis on booty, it was first class anal all the way). I browsed around on her computer while she was getting ready (ie, taking a shit). She's got access to the private boards on the tucker max message board, so I took a peek. I can confirm that "marine guy/viacom guy" is a tucker max plant. Also, expect a surprisingly funny blog from a porn actress (I didn't recognize the name.) From some of her writing, she was dumber than a box of bricks, but stories about drugs and deep dicking are always funny.
the marine posting on here is a moron.
go get hit by an ied or something, looser.
Anyone see the movie 300?
You know that little mutant dude who can't be a Spartan warrior because he is malformed?
You know how Xerxes gives the mutant dude a lot of money & wealth & chicks & power to turn on the Spartans?
Xerxes = VIACOM
Mutant Dude = Tucker Max
Spartans = US Marines
Some viacom lackey posts,
"the marine posting on here is a moron.
go get hit by an ied or something, looser."
awesome--viacom = douchebag media
Anyone see the movie 300?
You know that little mutant dude who can't be a Spartan warrior because he is malformed?
You know how Xerxes gives the mutant dude a lot of money & wealth & chicks & power to turn on the Spartans?
Xerxes = VIACOM
Mutant Dude = Tucker Max
Spartans = US Marines
The Immortals = Douchebag Media
"Let's put thier name to the test."
I think it's awesome that the more VIACOM gest behind Tucker, the lower his traffic gets.
He was an idiot to surround himself with cowering, idiot, sycophantic douchebags.
He needs rugged people to tell him the truth, but then I guess he wouldn't be tucker max, growing jabba-the-hut manboobs as kungfu mike brings him milkshakes and all the boys to the yard.
http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/showthread.php?s=4a420ba420f2c09210b56e4e1246cbcb&threadid=420567&perpage=12&forumid=16&pagenumber=2
The idiot "marine" is obviously a Tucker Max plant, if not Tucker herself.
Hey marine guy! Tucker Max is calling you out over on his message board. I wouldn't put up with that shit. You need to go crapflood him like fucking bunny up the poop chute after she munches a box of exlax.
http://www.horsefacebeth.blogspot.com
TheOriginalJada's new blog!
"Hey marine guy! Tucker Max is calling you out over on his message board. I wouldn't put up with that shit. You need to go crapflood him like fucking bunny up the poop chute after she munches a box of exlax."
ummm, nobody has cared about tucker max & douchebag media since 2005
marine guy Pwn3d V1AC0M & 7U6K3R
ummm, nobody has cared about tucker max & douchebag media since 2005
I'd take out "since 2005" and change "has cared" to "cares"
this is cool
we were thinking of doing this--we were just looking for an in
viacom is playng right into our hands
who is "we"?
is that that cripple dude "trainingwheels" that tucker blew off when he said he was going to meet up with you?
CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this blog has gone to absolute shit. i'll be over at the jada blog if anybody wants to be destroyed in a flame war.
riddle me this, bunny.
who is the richer?
the us marine who has learned how to build an igloo as part of arctic survival training.
jeremey ruby struss, sitting high atop a 60ft pile of seconded easter eggs, counting the days until the feast of Saint Swithins.
who is the more manly?
the us marine who has just grown a beard?
the rugged, yet clean shaven staff of that Turkish dry cleaners on Lexington and 6th.
who is the happier?
the douchebag interns receving $250/month of viacom cash to compose madrigals recounting tucker’s victory over godzilla and his brief conversion to communism.
tucker would have you believe that it all comes down to the phone vote --that there is no higher morality than the barbed criticism of Simon Cowell.
but tucker owes his freedom to those far greater than he — Luke Skywalker, for instance; the brave convicts, serial murderers and rapists who comprised The Dirty Dozen; Chief Brodie of Amity Island. And what does he do with it? he desecrates his country, his language, and his fellow people. He literally fucks Kansas in both asses.
I fucked Marine Guy's wife last week.
What a whore.
VIACOM hasn't yet realized that Tucker Max & Paris Hilton & Reailty TV and Reality Writing (totally made up aka James Frey & Tucker Max) are on their way out.
1) Tucker will fail to get any traction in Hollywood. while he can hide his mantits on his website, he can't hide is puffy douchebag lwyer face in meetings.
2) Writers/actors/directors know that unless they want to end up like bill dawes & jamie kennedey, they will get the hell away from rudius.
3) When VIACOM finally pulls the plug, Tucker will hide the fact from his douchefeifdom--they will have to read it here, along with the rest of the VIACOM corporate office. I wouldn't be surprised if VIACOM has already moved on.
Oh my god!
Apparently Tucker and his friends took the film ‘Top Gun’ too seriously and now refer to each other by pet names. Tucker calls himself ‘The Mauve Cardinal’ while Mr Jake is known simply as ‘Alabaster.’
When Tucker brings a girl back to his place one of his trademark moves is to ask her if she would like to suck his plums. Whereupon Mr Jake, acting in his capacity as a wingman, emerges from the kitchenette with a bowlful of plums which have been pre-soaked in Madeira wine. Those who have sampled this doctored fruit describe the combination of flavors as disgusting beyond belief. One girl said that she blew Tucker just to get the awful taste out of her mouth.
In other news Mr Jake has a quilted smoking jacket which he is convinced makes him irresistible to the opposite sex. In reality everyone thinks that he’s wearing a waistcoat inside out.
someone from douchebag media/tucker max/viacom writes,
"I fucked Marine Guy's wife last week. What a whore. "
Daily reminder--tucker lives for viacom's bottom line.
Marines live for God & Country.
Sweet river of Jesus!
Everyone go over to the Rudius Media boards and check out the ‘Unicorns walk among us’ thread.
To recap: Tucker believes that unicorns are real and claims to have hand-reared a young foal after its parent’s were shot by poachers. Now everyone is pitching-in with their own unicorn stories. As usual Tucker is calling out anyone who dares to suggest that unicorns are fictitious chimeras.
A story has just appeared on the Writers’ Forum, in which the author goes out bar-hopping with a unicorn and the unicorn gets wasted and punches someone in the face with its hoof.
Awesome!
Robert Greene is now using the postmodern law of power--spam with stupid shit.
That is so 1999.
To distract you from viacom's agenda, Robert Greene writes,
"Sweet river of Jesus!
Everyone go over to the Rudius Media boards and check out the ‘Unicorns walk among us’ thread.
To recap: Tucker believes that unicorns are real and claims to have hand-reared a young foal after its parent’s were shot by poachers. Now everyone is pitching-in with their own unicorn stories. As usual Tucker is calling out anyone who dares to suggest that unicorns are fictitious chimeras.
A story has just appeared on the Writers’ Forum, in which the author goes out bar-hopping with a unicorn and the unicorn gets wasted and punches someone in the face with its hoof."
Tucker is a douchebag.
robert greene gets $250/month of viacom cash to post here
if douchebag media's traffic keeps declining, they will cut him off
wahoo!
500 posts devoted to tucker's douchebaggery!!
ths blog would make an awesome book.
i bet the market cap of this blog is more than tuckermax.com .
actually, come to think of it:
vicaom = tuckermax.com (censor truth/publish porn & propaganda)
google = blogger.com (create cools tools/technology)
i know where i'll be investing.
this is a great day indeed
more people read this blog than douchebag media
and the great thing is, if tucker's employees want news about douchebag media, they come here. hi douchebaggers. how does it feel, getting $120/month from tucker so that he'll say you're cool.
rock on brothers.
fuck u marine guy, u stud yeah way to go u r so cool. u couldn't get into college so u joined the marines to get free college.
fuck u all, fuck u fuck u fuck u.
real americans dont need to join military b/c we hav an education and got into college, we didnt need no government grantz to pay 4 college so we dnt giv a fuck about u fagz.
thankz 4 dying in iraq 4 no reason, tough guyz.
i want to fuck u marine guy, u stud. u r so cool. u couldn't get a job at starbux so u joined the marines to get free coffee. i find resourceful men attractive.
i want to fuck u, fuck u fuck u fuck u. all night long.
real americans join the military b/c they enjoy having towel fights with naked men. i got into starbux and learned to speak Italian. i dont giv a fuck for fagz as long as you tough guyz are pounding my ass like osama is hidin in my colon.
thankz 4 dying in iraq 4 no reason, tough guyz.
They're over they killing jihadiots who want to come over here and cut your head off for jerking off to Tucker Max stories.
Oh, and learn to spell, asshole.
The fake marine is a crap flooder, most likely a Tucker worshipping adolescent, or Tucker herself.
I don't know if this blog outlived its usefulness, though it was entertaining. Tucker has all but faded into obscurity.
"I am in talks with a well known chain of stores to do a limited edition re-print of my Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines, as well as a line of pint glasses with quotes from my book/site. Time for suggestions.
FOCUS: What quotes from any of my stories, or this board even, do you think would look cool on a pint glass? Don't worry about "propriety," just recommend whatever and we'll figure out what they will and won't allow later."
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=15931
Anyone wanna take bets on how long it will be before this thread is locked down and deleted, and ever mentioning it again gets someone banned?
"well known chain of stores"
I'm going to guess it's almost as well known as Rudius Media's "all-stars" Which means there's probably not even one real location yet, it's just one of his idiot buddies who's still trying to get a small business loan to open up a chain that knocks off Urban Outfitters.
"as well as a line of pint glasses with quotes from my book/site. Time for suggestions."
Two great examples of what Tucker uses the board for: generating ideas, because he's not creative enough to come up with any on his own, and flattering his ego by having people recount their favorite lines from his fake stories.
Tucker's next book will be:
"Douchebags Finish First: How to go from Viacom Star/Hollywood Mogul/Comedy Central Producer/Feature Film Director to selling shot glasses in two months."
All he had to do was move to LA and meet a few people in the industry--that killed his career.
Here's an idea for one of the pints:
"Tucker Max: Guaranteed to Revolutionize Hollywood in the next Six Months, since 2003"
He should make t-shirts too:
"I'm a Tucker Max fanboy for $237/month of VIACOM cash."
Tucker Max pint glass slogans:
"top it off with douchebaggery."
"good to the last drop--of semen."
"i'm a douchebag, he's a douchebag, she's a douchebag--wouldn't you like to be a douchebag too--be a douchebag--drink dr. douchebag & join rudius media."
"this pint glass is too small for the milk in my left manboob."--TM
"doucheaholics anonymous"
"blogging for douchebags--rudius media."
"mug o' douche"
"tucker max death mix--100% douche"
"boobs--not just for women anymore."
"douche--don't it taste good--join rudius."
"viacom pint o' douche"
"I'm not just a member of douchebag media--I'm the president"--TM
"viacum's finest douche"
"maxdouche--it's not just for women anymore."
"Tucker's death mix--milk from his manboobs and douche from Bunny's mangina."
"Instant douchebaggery--just add a duke law degree and stir."
awesome.
instead of technology and art, viacom sees a future in pint glasses for douchebags.
this blog would make an awesome book.
tucker max: as seen getting humiliated on the opie & anthony show
cockly mcbeefwell: wanting to suck tucker's cock since 2005
Reviews of his pickup line book
---
Do yourself a favor and skip this title. It is nothing you can't find on 1000s of web sites about pickup lines. The guy who wrote this book obviously has no experience being successful with women.
I mean when is THIS line going to work -- "Can I buy you a drink or should I just give you the money?"
Please.
---
While I am a big fan of his website and stories, the stuff in this book is pure crap. Half of "his" lines are old lines I have heard used a dozen times. A couple of them are adaptations of jokes that are from the 2nd grade -- and weren't even funny then. Personally I think this is very out of character for Tucker. A real letdown.
I didn't crack a smile the whole time.
---
It's not that this guy isn't original, although he's not. (His act has not only been done by better writers, it's been done by every drunken idiot you hung out with in college.) It's that he's not even particularly clever.
Seriously - buy yourself a copy of "Animal House" instead... at least that was original (at the time) and well written. Then, with your change, go out & get really wasted, and tell your friends about it. It worked for me - and we laughed and laughed and laughed.
Jackass.
---
There is nothing different, or special, or even slightly amusing about this book. It's just like 2000 other books out there on the subject of dating that think they're amusing. Don't bother buying this - it was boring, tedious, and dry at best. I should have known it was going to suck as soon as the author said he's still single. .... Maybe you need to get some new pick-up lines!
---
I actually didn't find this book to be helpful nor amusing. There's just nothing new in it that justifies going out and buying it. It was a waste of my time.
---
gay ass homos got nuthin more 2 do but make this fake azz tucker buttluv site.
go get laid fagz.
oh wait u cant. sorry!!!!!!!!11111
Rudius Media: Where the men have tits and the woman not so much.
Oh my fucking christ.
The suggestions being made for the glasses aren't original or funny.
The entire endeavor is made of sadness and fail.
Oh, and PS. "I fucked her like she owed me money." He didn't come up with that. Nor did he come up with, "Hilarity ensues". Nor did he invent, "dotting her eyes."
Viacom is having all of its employees fuck midgets and design pint glasses instead of producing music and movies. They feel this will raise their profit margins as an entertainment conglomerate.
I was scanning Amazon.com when I noticed that most of the positive reviews for ‘I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’ are in fact reviews of ‘The Essential Barry Manilow’ CD, with all references to Manilow scrubbed out and replaced by Tucker Max.
My suspicions were aroused when it suddenly dawned on me that Tucker never wrote songs about The Bermuda Triangle or The Copacabana. He never performed a sell-out, three-night residency at the Doritos Conference Centre in Argyle, Michigan, with an ‘America’ tribute band as the support act. Women never threw their underwear at Tucker Max. They hurled whiskey bottles and, on occasion, baseball memorabilia.
It’s all just a 52 card pack of lies. Lies and treachery.
Robert gree's 49th law of postmodern power--post postmodern spam to dsitract us from teh truth--Tucker is a liar & a douchebag with manboobs who hits girls and runs douchebag media--the hollywood f-list/duke law douchetards that declines in traffic with every vicaom dollar spent on fake tucker max wiki edits:
'I was scanning Amazon.com when I noticed that most of the positive reviews for ‘I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’ are in fact reviews of ‘The Essential Barry Manilow’ CD, with all references to Manilow scrubbed out and replaced by Tucker Max.
My suspicions were aroused when it suddenly dawned on me that Tucker never wrote songs about The Bermuda Triangle or The Copacabana. He never performed a sell-out, three-night residency at the Doritos Conference Centre in Argyle, Michigan, with an ‘America’ tribute band as the support act. Women never threw their underwear at Tucker Max. They hurled whiskey bottles and, on occasion, baseball memorabilia.
It’s all just a 52 card pack of lies. Lies and treachery.
you gotta love tucker's logic:
hollywood success = pint glasses
masculinity = manboobs
virtue = viacom's bottom line
rudius media > us marines
douchebag duke laywers = future of media
kungfu mike = blog/book deal/tv show
f-list writer + f-list director + f-list actor = hollywood renaissance and money to pay back viacom's investment
bunny = admirable person
What ever happened to Soylent Green---he seemed to be TM's best friend for a while there & now he is MIA from the board. Another TM fanboy who finally saw the light?
Soylent realized that pint glasses are not a suitable replacement for the canceled comedy central project, and that mantits are not worthy aspirations.
this is going to be awesome--when tucker is left with three fanboys and they post love-posts to one-another at douchebag media. then shall the site be worth returning to, to observe the mating rituals of clueless douchebags armed with law degrees from duke. it's a good thing tucker likes anal.
name some upper level management at viacom.
i'm sure they can all hardly wait to be tied to ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST and:
1) fucking and demeaning midgets
2) douchebag media
3) filming anal sex with girls without telling them
4) hitting girls
5) manboobs
6) lies passed off as truth
7) corporate douchebaggery
8) disappearing amazon (truthful) reviews
9) making fun of fat girls
10) secular debauchery and paganism
we're looking forward to celebrating viacom's upper-level management in 2008, with the relase of the book.
we can hardly wait to see the immense douchebaggery, and thank them for sacrificing the culture on the altar of viacom's bottom line.
Somebody forgot to tell tucker: the revolution will not be printed on shot glasses sold at cafepress.
Don't worry about "propriety" == tucker max speak for "bunny will rip off movie artwork, but we're so obscure and worthless that nobody will notice."
the shot glass thread should be renamed to "post unoriginal and unfunny things tucker max has said". I don't what's more pathetic: the quotes, or the losers that think they're funny.
i can just see all the viacom douchebag mbas--fresh out of their duke mba program where they learn how to cheat--all fighting for the right to take credit for fucking and demeaning midgets, screwing other men's wives, hitting girls, lying, hyping, deceiving, degrading culture, ripping off logos from johnny cash and gladiator, and generally acting like a raging dickhead indeed.
awesome. bottom-feeder viacom mbas rock.
well, we're here to help out.
we want to give the mbas credit where credit is due.
when tucker's book goes live, we are going to have a little celebration thanking viacom for their glorious contributions to culture.
we hope this doesn't discourage tucker from filling the book with douchebaggery.
bring it on--the more douchebaggery, the better.
let's get this show on the road. hoo-ah!
The pint glass thing is too funny. Those douchebags over there are forever busting on people for buying and sporting stuff just because someone says its cool. Hot topic, starbucks, razor cell phones. How are his "original saying" pint glasses any different. In tuckers world shouldn't we all stay away from "major retailers" unless were buying wal-mart shorts and tees like he does?
"Original sayings?" what the "Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money" That was old in 1989 when I use to go to bars. I also right now, this second have in front of me a "3 Stooges" VHS tape from 1988 that says " Hilarity ensues as the stooges investigate a old haunted house" So I guees tucker thought of both those "Original" sayings when he was 8 years old.
Even if I never knew who tucker was if I saw someone holding a pint glass with and of that garbage on it I would know that person was a douchebag on site.
Is there no limit to the audacity of Tucker Max?
Only yesterday he was bragging about how his new Comedy Central pilot/Feature film/Youtube short, is literally going to change the shape of TV forever. Apparently you won’t even be able to watch it on a conventional rectangular television set. Oh no, no, no, no ,no ,no no, mon petit frère. According to Tucker Max, the revolutionary way in which his screen debut will be written and filmed means that the optimal viewing experience will be on a purpose built Octagonal TV, in what he describes as patented Tucker Max brand Octovision.
Kung fu Mike has been placed in charge of developing the new ‘Octoset’ in conjunction with Sony. This is because, when Tucker mislaid his TV remote, Kunt Fuck Mike was the only one of the moderators able to locate the button on the set that changes the channels. Suddenly he’s the go-to tech guy for Rudius Media. Meanwhile Mr Jake is back on light kitchen duties. One of my friends was there when Tucker handed him a lemon and told him to go make lemonade with it.
Tucker claims the days of watching a 4-sided television are behind us and we might as well just get used to it. I just have just one thing to say on this subject: Fuck you. I don’t want to watch your commie eight-sided TV. Where the hell do think this is? - 1930s Russia? Go back to your potato farm, eat your bowl of congealing borscht and don’t mess with the television of honest to god patriotic American marines, who have since left the military and are now employed as firemen. I fought and died in ‘Nam so that people like you could drink ice cold buds and have sex with women of questionable mental stability while watching Frasier reruns. Just you remember that Tucker.
Awesome--the above post is bringing out viacom's big guns--a blend of douchebaggery, tucker max, and david foster wallace.
but they can't change reality
tucker max hits girls
tucker max has mantits
tucker max's media company steals logos
tucker max lies about his stories and height
tucker max is a douchebag supreme
tucker max blew is hundreds of thousands of viacom dollars on a shrinking empire--doucebag media
hi i marine guy i couldnt get into college so i got brainwashed and the local recruiter sucked me off so i signed up.
whos richer?????????? lol
you haters are so funny. Tucker Max will revolutionize the retail world. Pint glasses are just the beginning. Wait until you see hats and shirts with sayings like "free mustache rides" and "orgasm donor."
we can hardly wait for his next book.
every little obscenity is going to be pinned onto viacom brass. every little douchebag lawyer pornification and convolution, every pretentious perversion--we're going to plaster it on the upper-level brass. we're going to make viacom proud of their deformed, mantitted son.
we are looking forward to making the viacom brass famous.
tucker max, meet tucker max's greatest enemy: tucker max.
Viacom are banking on success with Tucker Max, but they also have a contingency plan in the works in case the project goes belly up.
Apparently Viacom execs have been spending their weekends engaged in the construction of a giant raft. If Tucker Max sends the company spiraling into the red, they plan to set sail for the Bahamas. Once on the islands, they intend to use what is left of the Viacom petty cash to open a beach bar, where they can live and work in quiet anonymity.
What they haven’t told their workers lower down on the Viacom totem pole is that there is only limited room on the raft. If Tucker Max proves to be a costly investment for the company it will be those in junior positions who are left behind to face the wrath of the American public and Viacom’s many creditors.
Good point.
viacom is well-worth shorting.
Not only are we going to tie Tucker's mantits to the upper-level brass, but also the decline in their stock price.
they are about to lose billions in market cap, and tucker is their only hope. they are betting that his pint glasses will generate billions of dollars for the viacom bottom line.
viacom = comedy central = tucker max
viacom = MTV = tucker max
viacom = simon spotlight = tucker max
tucker max = viacom's greatest asset
without tucker's oversized-head, tiny hands, duke law school douchebaggery, filming anal sex with girls without telling them about tit, lying about crashing cars into donut shops, hitting girls, passing off fake stories as the truth, and hollywood failures, what would viacom have?
douchebags finish first.
awesome.
robert greene is so powerful that he is tucker's #1 fanboy.
he called himself out, sucking that viacom cash out of tucker's mantits.
awesome.
You fucking idiots are retarded.
This is nothing more than a pet project for Viacom, they won't lose anything by investing in Max.
Get out of your parents basements, get laid, have a few beers, and enjoy your summer!!
-Drex
here's what douchebags who aren't man enough to work real jobs and instead work for tucker's mantits and viacom cash have to say:
"You fucking idiots are retarded.
This is nothing more than a pet project for Viacom, they won't lose anything by investing in Max.
Get out of your parents basements, get laid, have a few beers, and enjoy your summer!!
-Drex "
Why don't you guys enjoy your summer and keep off our blog.
You have your douchebag media site and you mom's basements when the viacom cash runs out in a few months, so instead of posting here, drink some beers, score some f-list hollywood skanks, and have a great time on your sinking ship, weighed down by tucker's massive mantits whicg have attracted every douchebag in hollywood, hungry for mommy's milk and approval.
riddle me this drex
what are you going to do when douchebaggery and mantits and assholery go out of style?
what are you going to suck on then?
when tucker goes bankrupt in a few months, what are you going to do?
search craigslist for people who need douchebags to edit their wikipedia page and remove truthful amazon reviews?
the burn of the viacom cash has to be great just to sustain his massive mantits, and with all you sex-starved/talent-starved/future-starved douchebags feeding at them, i'd have to bet things are going to be over fairly soon.
maybe tucker can sell pint glasses.
Drunkasaurus Rex isn't even worth the shit-stains in Tucker's underwear. The best thing that guy can do is pull a Sol from Soylent Green so that starving people in Africa can chow down on his useless carcass.
awesome. drex is telling us to get out of our basements and enjoy the day.
where the fuck is he--on the viacom cruise ship--the HMS DOUCHEBAG?
it's sunday afternoon, and drex has to spend it working for douchebag media, tucker max, and viacom, editing tucker's wiki to keep the pictures of tucker's mantits off it.
awesome.
drex--since you're all about Truth and Honesty, tell us this. how much is tucker paying you to post here on a sunday afternoon?
future viacom projects after tucker's comedy central show:
the kungfu mike show--brownosing douchebaggery
the coloring book land show--triple threat--failed as book, website, and now this
the robert greene "laws of power" show--why the smartest author alive hangs with hollywood docuhebags when he's not writing douchebag handbooks about how to seduce people, if you're a douchebag
the drex show--how tucker bought be a cool laptop to post on the blog that calls him out, and how that makes me cool, and how i'm not posting from my mom's basement, whereas everyone who criticizes tucker is.
the bunny show--how to steal corporate logos and demean them with douchebaggery en route to making 1999 css stylesheets for douchebag websites/blogs, and why i'll never get married because tucker was there firstand destroyed my heart, my soul, and my ahole.
all of you haters are just jealous of
1) tucker's mantits
2) tucker's hollywood apartment where bunny and his intern poop around
3) tucker's ability to attract hollywood douchebags
4) tucker's failed comedy central show
5) tucker's other mantit
6) tucker's ability to erase billions of dollars of viacom market cap as word gets around that he is their last, best hope
7) tucker's ability to make douchebags seem cool
8) tucker's friendship with literary genius kungfu mike
9) tucker was the nineteenth to violate bunny's ahole--now you'd be the 438th.
10) tucker can get laid by hollywood skanks anytime he wants, and you can't because you don't want your dick to fall off.
hey drex,
stay the fuck off our blog fanboy.
this blog is for mnen.
stay home with the fanboy rudius washed up pussies and let real men lead the way.
On Saturday I visited the Tucker Max Rollercoaster at Six Flags.
It looked pretty sweat on the publicity material. A couple of loops, a sheer plummet and, as a finale, the cars crash through the window of a donut shop.
In reality the Tucker Max Rollercoaster is actually a miniature steam train that chugs around the circumference of the park at a leisurely pace. No 360s or vertical drops to speak of, although we did go down a gentle slope. We finally came to a stop adjacent to a donut stand.
When I went to the kiosk to pick-up the photographs, which had been taken on an automatic camera during the ride, the guy behind the counter told me that the film had been damaged. Now I can’t even prove that I was on the ride. All the way home my two cousins - Opie and Anthony - were ragging on me, saying how I must have chickened out.
You guys have no idea what is going to happen to every single person that has posted on this site.
Get ready to be pwned.
-KFMike
"You guys have no idea what is going to happen to every single person that has posted on this site.
Get ready to be pwned.
-KFMike"
I eagerly await the outcome... hopefully it will turn out better than Mike's MMA fight with Cloud. (The one where what's-his-face had to pull Cloud off of Mike, then lied about the events online, later completely contradicted by Cloud's video evidence). I hope the "pwnage" is that good.
get ready to die motherfuckers
-TMax
Do you want cheese fries with that?
-R. McDonald
EEEhhheyyy whatsup doc?
-Bbunny
sorry, t cant type when i'm tucker mac drunk!!!!111111 i meant was: get ready to get boned. up the ass, like when tucker fucks girls and makes them pretedn they r bois cus that's how he likeds it.
-KFC Mike
if kung fu mike and tucker were going to do something, why didn't they do it a long time ago? whatever they are going to do, i'm sure it will be weak.
Don't you worry, we will unleash it on you when we are damned good and ready.
-KFM
Kung Fu Mike is a pussy. Cloud Starchaser proved this when he beat up Kung Fur Mike a year or two ago.
“if kung fu mike and tucker were going to do something, why didn't they do it a long time ago? whatever they are going to do, i'm sure it will be weak.”
There is a precedent and it’s worth a little prodding and probing to gain a sense of what’s going on.
If you cast a cursory glance over the last few years in Tucker Max’s intriguing career, you will notice that he is at his most visible and fully-formed when he is in direct conflict with someone - Ms Vermont, Dimeo, Cloud Starchaser. In each case it was Tucker’s opponent who brought the color and the craziness to the table. And in each case it was the relatively dull Tucker who managed to come out on top, by appearing to be almost reasonable by comparison.
Drive and aggression will only carry you so far. On the macro-scale of celebrity, Tucker lacks charisma and so relies on an element of misdirection. He needs enemies to define himself, but they have to be manageable enemies. Opie and Anthony tested him, realized that he was weak and went for the jugular. The fights that Tucker has won have all been with opponents a couple of weight brackets below him – sure things from the outset.
‘Assholes Finish First’ will be released shortly and I have been wondering how Tucker plans to publicize this book. We have been promised that it will be broader in scope than IHTSBIH, but I assume that it will mainly be composed of accounts of drunken bad behavior. The problem with this is that Tucker no longer has the reputation as a hell raiser that he enjoyed a couple of years ago. He has moved on from there. His involvement with multiple film and television projects means that he is a much smaller blip on the public radar than he was when his previous book hit the shelves. The publicity for IHTSBIH began long before the book was even conceived. As soon as Tucker’s site took off and he began posting stories on it, there was always going to be a market for a print anthology.
Now that momentum is broken. His messageboard traffic appears to be in decline. Of late there has been a good deal of repetition on the site, reams of dull posts and a sense that the management has its attention focused elsewhere. A major turning point was the storm in a teacup which resulted in a lot of very funny posters leaving the RMMB for Freak Safari, or simply disappearing altogether.
It’s hard to know whether the success of one project will create a domino effect that will cause all the others to also be a success and propel Tucker into the big leagues, or whether they will all tank together. An engineered conflict or controversy is a good way of pushing Tucker back into the spotlight and also very much in character. For all the work he puts into his writing and the Rudius Media website, his primary concern still appears to be proving his critics wrong and getting the last laugh. He is still defining himself by those who stand against him. I don’t think Tucker would get into the ring with the likes of Opie and Anthony again, but he’s certainly not above throwing a few sucker punches at people who he knows can’t easily fight back.
there has probably been hundreds of people posting anonymously here. unless kung fu mike covertly runs this blog (which is hard to believe), how could he possibly figure out who all of those people are?
i wonder how tucker is going to win this fight. will he set up a message thread on his own forums and post about how everyone who has anonymously commented about him is a jerk?
........getting closer.
but, I'll never tell. ;)
~ The problem with this is that Tucker no longer has the reputation as a hell raiser that he enjoyed a couple of years ago. He has moved on from there. ~
Tucker was a hellraiser when he was unhappy. He was young and studying a field that bored the hell out of him. Reaction? Get drunk and offend. Now he seems to be doing exactly what he wants to, ergo no internal conflicts to drive the offensive behavior. An engineered conflict might keep another 100 watts of attention on him for an extra minute, but that's about it. He preaches to write what you know about, which explains the Hillary Duff quality topics he posts on his board. Right now he seems to know about banana/vanilla flavoring.
He's gone from being Uncle Buck's Pooter-the-Clown to living out a Springsteen song (Glory Days). He's not even an asshole any more, just dull. Looks like room temperature vanilla pudding just doesn't cut it online these days.
If you cast a cursory glance over the last few years in Tucker Max’s intriguing career, you will notice that he is at his most visible and fully-formed when he is in direct conflict with someone - Ms Vermont, Dimeo, Cloud Starchaser. In each case it was Tucker’s opponent who brought the color and the craziness to the table. And in each case it was the relatively dull Tucker who managed to come out on top, by appearing to be almost reasonable by comparison.
Your analysis is pretty good, but you overlooked one key distinction. In those prior conflicts, each of the people purposefully went after Tucker, either to stop him or try to get some sort of fame/notoriety from him. This basically turned Tucker into the victim, and garnered him some degree of sympathy. Both Miss Vermont and Dimeo sued Tucker, attempting to get damages and/or enjoin him from putting material on his website. Going after Tucker and trying to punish him for things he had written raises obvious First Amendment problems. More importantly, it allowed Tucker to claim the Larry Flynt role and basically say “You may find what I say offensive/disgusting, but you cannot deny my right to say it.” Basically, I agree with that sentiment. More importantly for Tucker, however, is that these instances resulted in rather sympathetic and almost fawning press coverage. Tucker was quite adroit in using this coverage to his advantage to keep himself in the spotlight long enough to move some product. By being the “victim”, Tucker was basically able to turn the tables on both Miss Vermont and Dimeo.
Such is not the case here. No one (except for a certain delusional Marine) is saying that Tucker shouldn’t be allowed to publish books/run his website. Rather, this site is dedicated to pointing out that Tucker is basically a fraud. He can claim all his stories are “true”, but as has been pointed out here in abundance, there are some real inconsistencies in his stories and aspects that just couldn’t have happened as described. As the Opie & Anthony episode demonstrates, Tucker really doesn’t have any response to that. When confronted with charges that he makes shit up, Tucker doesn’t stand tall and fight back, but instead runs back to his little corner and pretends the whole thing never happened, relying on the fact that his fanboys will continue to lap up whatever story he tells them, and banning those who dare question the Truth as told by Tucker.
Going after some random website with a limited readership is not going to get Tucker any publicity, at least not any positive coverage. And doing so only has drawbacks: if the press covers it at all (unlikely since he’s an F-list celeb at best), it will look like Tucker is bullying some smaller site just because they dared question him; and more importantly, going after this site will mean that Tucker will have to confront the claims that he makes shit up. For the first time, Tucker would actually have to present some proof that his stories are true, or look like a fraud. Granted, most of his fanboys would believe whatever he says, but a slice of his fanbase would probably begin to question things and end up not coming back. Thus, for Tucker there is no upside in taking this place on, he can only lose, even if he wins.
Think about Tucker.
Tucker lost writer Paul Levinson, which he tried to spin as a positive before he pulled his own "Rudius Media grows up a bit" thread. According to His Sageness of All Things Business, one can't be considered a success unless they've pushed too far and failed at some point. I give Greene 6 months tops to leave Dudius, thereby making Tucker an even greater success. Eventually, one day, it'll all be whittled back down to himself alone... finally attaining a supremacy he cannot imagine right now.
blah
if Rudius somehow has the IP addresses for commenters here, and they are going to do a mass "call out", El Tee is so busted.
if failing == success, why does tucker ban anyone that asks about the comedy central deal? why does tucker ban anyone that asks about opie & anthony?
we have all of your IP addresses, we have friends that do this for us.
Think.About.Tucker.
i don't believe it. if tucker could hack into this website and find the ip addresses, why wouldn't he also delete all of the posts or the bad comments?
Tucker and King Fag Mike having IP addresses of the posters here? WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT.
They'd need somebody at Blogger - meaning somebody who worked for Google, which owns Blogger - who was willing to take proprietary information from the company and turn it over to Rudickhead Media. Not only would this be a violation of the employee's employment terms, but it would also be a violation by Google (since it is responsible of the actions of its employees) of the user agreement (which incorporates a privacy policy) between Google/Blogger and its users.
Assuming some employee was stupid enough to turn over such information, Google would slap an injunction on Rudefuck Media as soon as it found out Tucker or King Cunt Mike had possession of or tried to use the improperly obtained information.
Finally, do you people expect us to believe that Fucker and his bunghole riders are smart enough to track people down if all they have are IP addresses? The computer I'm using right now has an IP address assigned to it by the ISP I use. As soon as I logoff, it's released and will be assigned to somebody else. So, Fucker is then going to have to get into my ISP and get their information in order to track me down. You're expecting me to believe that he can get into two companies? Yeah, sure.
You clowns should actually try to use your feeble minds before scaring us with bullshit.
some tucker's interns know html programming. they're leet and shit. they could find out where you live. And if you're a cripple or in a wheelchair, kentucky fried chicken mike will try to beat you up.
Tucker is really on top of things. He waits until Cockly McBeefwell has already abandoned this blog to threaten everyone who has commented here. The last new post was 3 months ago and there's only been 2 posts total in 2007. What's the point?
christ you guys are delusional. tucker doesn't give a fuck about this blog or you pasty faced morons with nothing to do but analyze tuckers lief and limbs to the bone. that guy signing anonymously with tucker's name isnt tucker.
-Tucker.
oh look, i must be tucker too.
HAHAHA You guys are so pathetic. Not as pathetic as the social rejects on my mesage board, but almost. I'm a f-list "celebrity" with man tits, herpes, and no future. I need to watch a girl suck off a horse just to get aroused. And you waste your time over me? HAHAHA. I love it.
-- Tucker Max.
Actually I'm the real Tucker Max. The other two are clearly impostors and to prove this I will tell you something only Tucker Max could know:
My next book 'Assholes Finish First' is about dining etiquette. The title refers to the assholes who wolf down their food without appreciating the delicate combinations of textures and flavors that go into a dish.
Actually I am the real Tucker Max. To prove that I am the genuine article I enclose a short excerpt from my screenplay – I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. It looks like I am going to be played by the gay dude who used to be Doogie Howser MD. This is going to be so awesome.
Sgt O’ Hannigan: "With the greatest of respect, your honor, Tucker Max is one of the best goddamn detectives on the force. Now that McGinty, Tyler, Bazkofski, Hills, Nelson and Sweeney are out for the count, he’s the only officer left under my command who speaks fluent Ancient Aramaic.”
Drunkasaurus Rex: “His boyish good looks and happy laughter restored my crippled son to full health.”
Judge Saunders: “It’s settled then. Tucker gets a 24 hour extension to bring in Mel Gibson, but if he fucks it up then, Monday morning, it’s going to be both of your asses on my desk.”
(Tucker appears, hovering in mid-air outside the courthouse window)
Tucker Max: “Hey guys. I just listened to a radioactive copy of ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ by R Kelly. Now I can fly!”
No one at Rudius Media is going to do anything to anyone who comments here. Fun as that might be, it's not going to look good for the business. No one wants to invest in someone who throws temper tantrums.
Oh, wait. Tucker's pretty fucking notorious for throwing temper tantrums.
Well. Still. They're not going to do anything.
what happened to Paul Levinson?
Tucker can eat a dick. He's a fucking fag. Fuck him and fuck all of you losers obsessed with him.
Hey Marine,
Why don't you create your own "Tucker Max" blog, or are you afraid that no one will bother reading it?
Seriously... take your shit elsewhere. If anyone actually took your crap seriously, they'd follow you.
Marine Guy is bcwoods.
I think we should thank Tucker Max for creating the great company of Rudius Media, which provides the public with great stories such as "I'm moving back to California" and "Youtube Movie of the Day".
P.S. According to Alexa, the Rudius site with the second highest traffic is "Festering Ass: The Tucker Max Blog", which hasn't been updated in over 6 months and doesn't have a messageboard. I think that's the ultimate example of how the Tucker-centric Rudius fanbase is hardly that helpful to the other writers, even the few who have a spec of talent.
If I fall victim to the LA bullshit, I deserve to have my ass kicked.
HAH.
You guys are all fucking stupid. Why did I even bother?
-Jesus
Holy shit you read this crap too, son?
It sure makes me want to flood the earth and start over again.
-God
Shut the fuck up, else I'll four-arm-slap the shit out of you both.
-Vishnu
"what happened to Paul Levinson?"
Rudius Media is the part of the Tucker Max empire which I believe has real value. It has the potential to save him, should his other projects fail and he succumb to Fred Durst levels of anachronism.
Levinson appears to have been pushed out the door. It’s a shame, given that he was the only established writer on Rudius Media prepared to enthusiastically pitch-in on the message boards, on his own (now deleted) forum.
Robert Greene was too autocratic to last long in the piranha tank that is the RMMB. His ‘Power, Seduction and War Room’ is now overseen by Ryan Holiday. Previously Holiday conquered Macedonia, while aged just 18, and then celebrated his victory by seducing both Olsen twins and their chaperones.
Tucker’s statement regarding Levinson’s departure is a masterpiece of public relations babble. Nothing more than masturbation in front of a mirror. At worst, self administered bukkake. Usually when my bullshit detector goes off like this, it’s a sign that I need a bath and a change of clothes.
He speaks in vague terms of taking risks and moving into new territory without saying how any of this relates to Levinson’s exit. All that his statement achieves is to create doubt, as to whether there is a strategy behind that fog of self-importance, or just a sheer plummet. Was the dismissal of Levinson an act which carried weight and purpose, or was it just an ill-conceived, adolescent attempt at asserting independence, which will ultimately prove to be pointless or counterproductive?
To the faggot above me:
Tucker is worthless and is destined for failure. Shut the fuck up with your thoughtful essays on the value of Tucker's decisions. The answer is that they have no value. Tucker isn't worth pondering, he is only worth criticizing.
You guys gotta watch out, or Tucker is going to bring THE HEAT like he did to Joey Porsche:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=16058
Prepare to be DESTROYED by DrunkStegasaurus with comments like this that will CUT YOU TO THE BONE:
because, naturally, they are a bunch of thin-lipped wop asshole douchebags and they want desperately to have big full lips like LL and Nelly since those are the kinds of guys the slutty guinea princesses USUALLY fuck to get back at their inattentive greaseball fathers.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!!!!!!!!!!
I for one was sad to see Levinson go. But I'm not at all surprised. Thought I found some of his reasoning trite or simplistic, I at least appreciated the fact that Levinson was trying to have a real conversation. Unlike 99.99999% of the RMMB threads that are "Hey look, cracked.com did a list of the 10 worst acting jobs, let's see if we can add to it" that then goes on for 20 pages of mind-numbing repetitiveness and groupthink, Levinson at least tried to have a real conversation with the RMMB members on topics of interest to him. Needless to say, this failed miserably. The simple fact is that an overwhelming majority of the RMMB members are incapable of anything other than herd-mentality, they do nothing but parrot the words of the board "alphas" and have no ability to reason for themselves.
People like Tucker, D-bagRex, Mr. ImALonelyTechNerd et al generally didn't comment much on Levinson's threads. This left most posters there with no one else's thoughts they could regurgitate. I found some of the topics interesting and was posting there regularly until I discovered that most RMMB members were incapable of any kind of analysis and only repeating the talking points of Fox News or MoveOn.org. No one was capable of having an actual discussion because Tucker wasn't there to tell them what to think.
I think even Levinson could see this. He seemed to enter the Rudius "empire" with some desire to reach out to a broader audience, one that he thought Rudius could provide. I can only imagine his disappointment with the mongoloid fanboys he actually found there.
On a side note, that post from Tucker was absolutely brilliant from a PR-bullshit perspective. And since when is Bunny an accomplished author? To my memory, her only achievement so far is illustrating (not writing, drawing pictures for) a children's book. Oh yeah, she also has a book based on her blog coming out very soon. Look for it, it should drop any day. I guess the fact that she's been "working" on it for over 2 years now shouldn't distract you from how awesome it will be.
I can't wait for the bunny's book. I mean, who wouldn't want to read 300 pages of a bisexual/crossdresser complain about how her exboyfriend hasn't been potty trained yet.
On a side note, that post from Tucker was absolutely brilliant from a PR-bullshit perspective. And since when is Bunny an accomplished author? To my memory, her only achievement so far is illustrating (not writing, drawing pictures for) a children's book. Oh yeah, she also has a book based on her blog coming out very soon. Look for it, it should drop any day. I guess the fact that she's been "working" on it for over 2 years now shouldn't distract you from how awesome it will be.
This is it, right here. Seriously, her life is not interesting enough to merit an autobiography. I can only imagine it will be filled with the same, egocentric crap she fills her blog with. Don't get me wrong, making self-analytical writing is HARD. She's not up to the task.
x bad thing happened to me D:
y was the the crazy thing that I did in response to it
z is how Tucker's related to the whole shebang
1 is the mention of something relating to my self-diagnosed OCD
2 is what I learned from it and is why I'm the ==NICE PERSON== I am today
There's the formula for a Bunny anything.
Creeps like Joey Porsche think Tucker be da bomb, yo, so he'd better think twice about alienating those fruits.
You guys know that 8:29 AM and 8:28 PM are Tucker, right?
What a dumbshit. He is so fucking transparent.
I'd provide detailed evidence for my claim, but I don't want Tucker to see where he made mistakes and learn from them. Just read closely. You'll see that everything 8:28 and 8:29 says is classic Tucker talking points. Here's a major giveaway to start you off:
-pimping bunny's book
There are other subtler things in the posts, like classic Tucker word and phrase usages and interests.
Oh, there is also classic Tucker Max pathology in the posts too, eg calling Tucker's Levinson post a brilliant masterpiece, insulting D-rex and mrjake but not Tucker, presuming the RMMB posters need Tucker to think for them.
Looks like that stupid faggot isn't out of the woods yet when it comes to his narcissism. But I guess, then, you never will be, will you, Tucker?
I'm the 8:28 PM poster and I can assure you that I am not Tucker. I'm sorry that you see conspiracies everywhere, but I am not the "genius" behind Rudius Media. Of course, this being the internet, I have no real way to prove this. But suffice it to say, I am not Tucker Max. The point of my post was not to praise Tucker (which I clearly was NOT doing), but to point out the narrow appeal that he has. I was hoping to illustrate how, in the absence of Tucker's marching orders, most of his fanboys are incapable of independent thought; a fact that, to my mind, is indicative of Tucker's limited appeal. He cannot attract new readers (and his readership is declining) because he doesn't really offer anything worthy of your time.
When I referred to Tucker's post as a "brilliant" piece of PR, I was attempting to be sarcastic. On re-reading it, I admit that I was unclear. And I was not trying to pimp Bunny's book. My points were these: (1) she's been working on it for YEARS; (2) Tucker is constantly claiming her book will be a "unique" look at life and change literature; and (3) it would seem that this book will never actually be published because SHE WON'T EVER FUCKING FINISH IT. Basically, it is just more Tucker/Rudius hype of something (see e.g. the sitcom pilot) that will never come to pass.
Barry Diller and Michael Ovitz must be shitting in their shorts. They are full of FEAR knowing that Tucker, Bunny, Kungfu Mike and Drunk Rex are going to remake Hollywood and the entertainment industry as we know it.
(what delusional idiots)
600.
He really ought to give another person posting permission.
well if you weren't an idiot, you would realize that this blog is run by a member of Rudius. I happen to know "Cockly" in real life.
You know, real life? The life the rest of us that are out doing, getting laid and not living in our parents basement??? Nevermind, you don't know, sorry! :(
Obviously you don't know what viral marketing is.
it is blatantly obvious.
any publicity is good publicity.
morons.
Crash, is that you?
Tell me again about how you know those guys IRL LOLOLOLZ! You are SO COOL! AND SO ARTISTIC! AND SPONTANEOUS! Tell us again about your daddy issues. You are SUCH a unique and special snowflake.
Oh, wait. No, you're not. You're nothing but a bar slut.
OMG, YOU GOT A TATTOO CUZ YOU FUCKED TUCKER! A shitty tattoo, might I add. That bitch is going to turn into a thick, black line in only a matter of years. Oh, well, it will still last longer than the fleeting fame you gained by fucking a man who will pretty much fuck anyone.
No, tucker has standards. Sure, he'll fuck passed out midgets, fat girls (even when people are watching him), post-op trannys, amputees, bunny, psychos, marine wives, black prostitutes, etc. However, he refuses to fuck any myspace girls that have any guido friends.
hey now.
bunny is hot.
I don't care if this is viral marketing or not (if it is, it's the worst example I've ever seen in my life. And that includes those bomb scares in Boston) but this site is about ten times funnier than anything posted on the "Rudius Media Message Board" in the past year.
All the topics are either:
1. "Improve" a top-something list someone more creative than DrunkTriceratops came up with
2. Mock some loser from Myspace - but only after it's been three times by three other message boards.
3. Praise Tucker's "bold" endeavors
4. Rehash a thread that kinda worked a year ago, before most of the posters have ever signed up.
Also - Ryan Holiday is a fag. He was only hired because he wrote some long, rambling, pretentious essay praising Tucker's genius. He's a sycophantic dipshit. Even his avatar screams "I am better than everyone. Except Tucker."
To the retard who claimed this is viral marketing: no. Sure, Tucker craves negative attention, but only of the sort that he can control. Which is why he posts selective hate-mail on his message board, has quotes from negative reviews on his book, etc.
But when has he ever addressed, let alone gone after (save the Ms. Vermont thing, which he had no choice about) someone that called him out for being a fraud?
A few years back I used to be a fan and went to a few of his "events" hosted at local bars. I was never all that impressed, but thanks to his notoriety, there were skanks there desperate enough to bang him. (See: Crash) One time I went with a group of friends, and one of the girls, who's hot but too full of herself, started talking shit to him. His put-downs, if you can call them that, were even worse than the fake ones from his stories. After about a minute and a half, he stormed off and tried to have her thrown out.
Like someone said before, if he's as smooth, smart and successful as he claims, he wouldn't have to make his living off a handful of mediocre stories and an exaggerated online personality.
I think the smartest thing he could do right now would be to open a thread where any and all criticism is welcome, with the assurance that people's posts won't be deleted, and the ones who speak out against him won't be wahooed. He could then respond to everything "on his turf" with the assistance of his fans and employees.
He claims to be so against liars, fakes, posers, etc., yet the mere suggestion his stories might be a little lacking in the fact department gets you an immediate ban if you're lucky; harassing phone calls and threats if you're not.
There's been over 600 replies to the original post here. Sure, a bunch of them were BCWoods, I mean, Marine Guy, but there's going to be a point where he can't ignore the legitimate criticism anymore.
Poster above, don't even get me started on Ryan Holiday. He's quickly shooting up the list of biggest sociopaths on RMMB and challenge DRex for the number 1 d-bag spot. He just screams pretension and faux-intellectualism.
If this was an experiment in viral marketing, it would be absolutely the most brilliant campaign ever. The person who orchestrated it would be, hands down, a genius. Which is why you can be assured that it wasn't done by anyone at the RMMB. For all their bluster, they wouldn't know an original (or in Tucker's favorite concept) a "unique" idea if it jumped up and bit them in the ass. Rudius Media is nothing but a bunch of marginally-skilled monkeys who have convinced themselves that Tucker is some sort of visionary. How easily the untalented and unoriginal amongst us are deluded.
bunny is hot.
As long as she's not smiling. You know why they call her Bunny? That nose crinkling thing? That shit ain't natural, nor is it attractive.
Clearly this site is not an exercise in viral marketing.
The bulk of the people who come here are already aware of Tucker Max and either dislike him, or are prepared to poke fun at him in a way that isn’t possible on his boards.
Anyone unfamiliar with Tucker Max who stumbles across this site and reads some of the entries is likely to leave with a negative impression - one that is unlikely to translate into book sales.
I completely agree with 9:23 across the board.
The people on that board are pretentious, uncreative morons.
I've read some of Ryan Holiday's blog and most of it is just rambling and meandering drivel. That kid's grasp on English is so poor that sometimes he can't even manage to put a sentence together.
Holiday’s initial handling of the Power, Seduction and War Room had all the delicacy of a female circumcision performed with a claw hammer. Perfectly good posts were deleted on the grounds that they didn’t gel with his narrow view of what a given topic was about. This was discussion in a straight jacket - with no room to spread out and about as much authenticity as a rigged church raffle.
It is clear from Holiday’s own writing that he lacks life experience and is parroting things that he’s read. None of this would matter if he dropped the pretence and the self importance. At his age, I was a hundred times lamer, but the thing is, I knew that I was lame. I had no delusions of grandeur.
Holiday is symptomatic of a bigger problem on the boards. When the TMMB re-launched as the RMMB it was promised that they would be more open and tolerant than before. What actually happened is that the heavy-handed tyranny (which at least was honest) mutated into a kind of benevolent dictatorship, where people would smile at you as they twisted a knife between your ribs. A prevalent and insidious theme on the new boards is that there is one optimum way of doing things - one optimum belief system. If you disagree and don’t toe the line, you will be patronised and talked down to.
maybe they call her bunny because she'll fuck anybody. Or maybe it's an ironic nickname, like calling a fat guy "slim". Or calling tucker "gorilla" because he's a limp-wristed pansy.
bunny is hot, you guys are jealous. you know you would fuck her.
think about Tucker. think about Rudius.
thanks for the traffic!
Bunny wouldn't be hot if she died in a fire.
who the fuck is ryan holiday?
you guys are just as bad as tucker fanboys
Post a Comment